A bit of a rambling post

I got a comment from La Isla d'lisa, saying that I crack her up because I said, ""I'm fat." and she said, "It doesn't matter".

La Isla d'lisa is right - it doesn't matter if we're fat, thin, tall, short, freckled, bald, or what color or heritage we have - it's what's in our hearts that matter. I should not be self conscious about being fat. My meds do this to me. BUT, even if I had an eating issue, so what? We all need to learn that people mostly take you at face value and most people are more worried about what others are thinking about, and are not obsessing over what you look like. If they ARE obsessing about what you look like, then they have problems with their own self esteem - they feel inadequate. Bullies are pretty much people who feel inadequate and overcompensate w/ bullying, I think.

When I meet someone who's "fat" or overweight, I just take them at face value and I never think about whether or not they are fat or thin. I'm interested in what they think and say and their personality. I think that's how most people are. And yet, people/we worry about the smallest things

Also, I think the basis of the fear of public speaking is the idea that the audience is possibly judging you or sizing you up, whereas in reality, they are also just taking you as you are and are interested to hear what you have to say.

When a public speaker is visibly nervous, the audience suffers with them because the audience is rooting for them, silently cheering them on and empathizing, not looking down upon them for being nervous.

So there's no real reason to be nervous! People are NOT being critical, usually.

I love public speaking because I really enjoy connecting with the audience over the subject we're talking about. I figure theyr'e there because they're as interested in the subject as I am, so to me, it feels like a discussion rather than a presentation.

Luckily, growing up in showbiz, our family had a band and my sis and I started singing, playing, and fronting the band when we were about 6 years old. We travelled all over California doing more gigs than I can begin to try to count, each time connecting w/ the audience and enjoying them. I learned that mistakes were no big deal.

For example, almost every musician has had the experience of suddenly blanking out in the middle of a song they've done a thousand times. Instead of freaking out, you just continue to play and I used to just make up words if I suddenly forgot the words, until I was back on track. Some of the audience caught it but some didn't, because I didn't freak out. Freaking out would be a lot worse than just continuing on.

Once, we were playing at the Wilshire Ebel Theatre, and I sat in for the band before ours because their keyboard player had become ill at the last minute. So, after this band played, my family band was supposed to come on stage and do our performance. I had been told to just stay at the keyboard and my family would join me, but then they started waving me in from backstage, urging me to come off the stage. I resisted. The curtains were still up so I just sat there. Nothing happened and their waving became more urgent backstage.

Then the curtains closed so I stood up to start to walk backstage. Obviously the plans had changed. Just as I was making my way across the dim stage, the curtains opened and I tripped on a cable and went sprawling across the stage, sliding on my stomach in a very ungainly manner almost to the edge. The audience froze, not knowing what was going to happen.

I got up, went to the microphone, and said, "And that was my clown act." and left the stage. The audience laughed, I think, with relief.

Then my family went up on stage and played. no big deal.

So now, when I go to speak about Wesley, I don't feel even one butterfly wing of nervousness because I know the people are there because they WANT to hear about Wesley, and I love to share about him, and I feel like we're all a bunch of kindred spirits who just haven't met each other yet. It's always so rewarding and the people I meet are always so kind and gracious and interesting and so into wildlife and learning.

I meet the most amazing KIDS! Kids who are reading the book at age 5, kids who want to work w/ animals when they grow up. I met a 3 year old who had a big duffle bag full of owl plushies and could identify all the N. American owl species and knew all about their behavior in the wild. THREE years old! And she was so sweet! I meet the most wonderful teens and tweens, too, and elementary school kids. It gives me hope for the future.

With all this going on, what does it really matter if I'm overweight? No one is perfect, and even if they LOOK perfect, they have SOMETHING in their life that isn't totally under control or perfect. As my friend, Cait Reed says, "With all the horror in the world, what difference does it make? That's one of our favorite lines from "What about Bob".

It's been an adjustment, being overweight and not looking like I used to, but so what? Life happens! I think it's an important lesson for all of us to realize that we are who we are and we are what we are and it's OK, and we're here for more important things - and we can be effective and make a difference in this world, so we can focus on that, not on our supposed imperfections. We shouldn't let out insecurities hold us back.

Anyway, I've been thinking about these issues lately. I hope you don't mind me talking about this stuff. With animals, I don't see them obsessing about how they look beyond the basic need to survive. Animals are so good at living in the moment and really experiencing that moment fully, and I'm trying to learn from them to be more like that. To really look at the beauty around me and not get so lost in my thoughts that I miss out on the here and now. Animals help me to enjoy the here and now. I'll be lost in thought and then Fiona will come up and want to play or cuddle, or a hamster will start to bark softly at me and I'll be amazed all over again at how preturnaturally CUTE these hamsters are! Gosh they're cute!

So, Lisa, THANK YOU for reminding me, and the rest of us, that it really does NOT matter. I was amiss when I said that about being fat. Yes, I'm fat, but it doesn't really matter. Thank you so much for your kind and wise words!
Stacey

Missing Hamster

If you're the kind who prays or sends good vibes, could you send some my way in regards to my hamster, Kissy? She is so sweet that she kisses my face constantly, hence the name. Well, as you may know, I have a sleep disorder where, when I'm in that phase, I pass out frequently. I was holding Kissy and I passed out for just a few moments and she was gone. Usually, she comes when called and is no trouble to find. Well, that was a WEEK ago!

i hope and pray she's ok and not stuck somewhere! I've left food and water all over the house and spent hours chasing the tiniest sounds, calling and calling her. i still haven't seen her but I think I've heard her. It's so upsetting! I'm very worried about her. I hope to have a "Christmas Miracle" today and find her alive and healthy!

Yes, I have hamsters. They are technically Syrian Ground Squirrels although we call them "Teddy Bear Hamsters" in the US. in Syria they live 8 feet underground in eleborate burrows they make for themselves. They are totally solitary and only put up with another hamster during breeding, but when done, the female chases and bites the poor male. They're pretty smart. I don't know why we're so surpised when another animal is smart...

More about my hamsers on a later post. The post following this one is about meeting a bald eale and visiting wildlife rescue and rehab centers in the Waashington area near the water. What an adventure! Check it out!

Have a FANTASTIC DAY and a WONDERFUL SEASON!!!

Stacey O'Brien

Merry Christmas and Holidays to all!

hi Everyone!
it's Christmas Day and I hope everyone is having a lovely day, whether you actually celebrate Christmas or not. I hope you celebrate something - solstice, Kwanzaa, Hanuka (which is over, I think), or St. Stephen's Day or whatever day, because it is SUCH a gorgeous time of year in and of itself! Everything is decked out with lights and colorful decorations.

I APOLOGIZE to EVERYONE for my lack of presence in email and on the blog! I've had a rough fall, healthwise. But I'm back to my normal level of ill health now so I can do the blog and do events if I take my time and plan carefully.

There was a rumor that I wasn't doing events because i was sick! That's NOT TRUE! I just have to plan extra time for sleep and usually an extra night in a hotel to rest before travelling home.

But I do regret not being online. There's so much to talk about!

I went up to the Seattle area to Bainbridge Island to speak at a fundraiser for the West Sound Wildlife Shelter and it was sooo amazing! I took the ferry across to the island and the air was so fresh and the forest was dripping with moss and ferns and the intense smell of the plants and even the earth was better than the finest cologne. I stayed in a little B&B called The Captain's House. The owner donated my visit to the wildlife center, which I thought was very sweet.

I was told that on Bainbridge Island, people read more books per capita than in any other part of the US. I believed it, because as we drove along I could see into living rooms w/ bookcases all the way to celieings and those library attached latters on wheels attached to the huge bookcases.

Plus there was a nice turnout of very enthusiastic participants. I played a DVD in the lobby, of me and Wesley cuddling among other activities.

One of my goals - this is important to me - is to help to dispell the old wives' tale that has passed from one owl keeper to another for decades that says that "owls hate to be touched" while in captivity. The result of this wives' tale is heartbreaking, because these extremely cuddly creatures (owls), who spend HOURS preening each other and cuddling w/ their mates are entirely cut off from all touch and affection! This leads to something similar to attachment disorder in humans - a deep anxiety and loneliness.

I preened a beautiful Barred Owl behind the ears and along the neck and nose and she bent her head and closed her eyes and leaned into me. That was one of those magical moments for me. I was visiting a wildlife center and Jeff Guidry was with me and we both saw ow this owl responded.'

I hopeo that keepers and rehabbers will use affection as the powerful form of enrichment that it is for unreleasable birds of prey. Of course you cannot do it for releasable birds!!!


Anyway, after I was done w/ my speaking engagements on Bainbridge Island (of course I met such great people there!
), I took the ferry back and met Jeff Guidry who took me up to Sarvey Wildlife center where I met Freedom the Eagle. Jeff's relationship w/ Freedom is very much like mine was with Wesley.

In fact, I only know one other person who has such a deep connection w/ their unreleasable bird of prey, and that's Nancy Connie of SkyHunters. Jeff has a profound, affectionate, and even telepathic relationship w/ "his" eagle, named Freedom. He took me to meet her! What a privilege!

She and I took to each other immediately as if we'd been buddies all our lives. I was so comfortable with her! Her mannerisms were so much like Wesley's and she even had a vocalization that sounded just like his "deedle deedle deedle DEEP DEEP DEEP DEEP deedle deedle dee!", which is an exclamation. of course, it was in an Eagle Voice.

Bald Eagles don't sound like that long beautiful scream you hear in movies echoing through the canyons. THAT sound is the scream of a red-tailed hawk, but it's always used in movies when they depict an eagle. Sign,

No, bald eagles sound like, "cack cack cack cack!" like great big chickens. Freedom chatters away to Jeff just like Wesley used to and updates Jeff on her day. She is all opinion and communication. She gazes deep into Jeff's eyes and really listens to him. He uses telepathy quite a lot to beam pictures to her to explain things to her and there have been some really amazing outcomes from that.

I met Jeff because his book is coming out in May! It is the story of him and Freedom! I think it's going to be called "An Eagle named Freedom". It validates everything I said about Wesley and I'm thrilled to have another voice joined w/ mine in saying that these birds of prey are emotionally deep and complex, they are amazing communicators, they're highly intelligent and know what's going on at all times, and they are cuddly. Freedom cuddles. She throws her wings around you or across your shouldters. She lets you play with her big reptilian feet and bury your face in her big boofy chest or kiss her, all of which I did.

I don't mean to imply that Jeff lets people hold her. It was a rare privilege to hold her, and he trusted me because of my relationship w/ Wesley, so it was a very rare occurrence to hold her! She was so warm and emitted a sweet feathery smell that reminded me of Wesley, yet wasn't exactly the same.

I'm still over the moon about it!

Ok, so you wanna see pictures? I'm FAT, so please overlook my fatness! It's the medication and such and it's embarrassing but what can I do, Hide? No, it is what it is and there are more important things in life,,starting w/ just being alive! I'll take fat and alive over thin and dead ANY day, eh?

With that out of the way, enjoy the pics. oh yeah, you're not imagining that one of the pics is w/ a bobcat! His name is Baxter and what a character he is! Yes, he's tame, but only just. He has a wild energy to him that oozes from him and shifts and glimmers so that one moment he's passive and another he's pouncing and grabbing your ankle and trying to bite it. But he responds to the word, "NO!" and stops. He has a large area to roam and play and he's exceptionally playful. He just glows. There's no mistake that this is a wild creature, not a kitty cat! Anyway, there we are together! His purr was so loud you could hear it from quite far away.

There's almost nothing that makes me happier than gettinig close to the wild onnnnnes. Each one is so special! So that trip WAS my Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday Season for sure!! What a rush!

Remember, by the way, that you can buy Wesley the Owl plushies on my website and they really do resemble Wesley HIMSELF in a way that's downright uncanny! I always startle when I see one! And you can get Wesley notebooks, gift cards, jewelry boxes, totes, hats, mouse pads, mugs, etc. by going to the website: www.wesleytheowl.com and clicking on the owl store button or something like that... I shoulda woulda coulda mentioned it way back when people were Christmas or Holiday shopping.

I also found out that you can still get the hardcover versoin of Wesley the Owl from Barnes and Noble! I ordered a box of 20 hardcovers from the Barnes and Noble Website. People have asked, so that's why I'm talling you all this. Ok enough of that.

Wherever you are in the world, I hope your heart is at peace and your lifeis going well. If it's not, remember that his IS just a season andthat al ting do pass at some point!

Happy Holidays!
Stacey

My trip to JPL and Caltech

This is a pic of the big fire on the mountain range I grew up on, as it gets close to JPL. That little "city" is JPL. This fire raged for weeks. I hope the blog software actually uploaded it, not just a map to it.



I had a wonderful opportunity to speak at JPL last week. It was a private engagement which is why it wasn't on my schedule, but wow, was it a blast! It's funny that it came about in the normal way - through my publicist, Andy, at Simon and Schuster, because it turns out that the people in the department who requested that I come and speak turned out to know many of my family members! One of them was one of my aunt Gloria's best friends! Who KNEW? Aunt Gloria died of cancer a few years ago and we've felt a huge void in our lives without her. It was amazing to meet her best friend at work and another woman. Together, they were inseparable - the three musketeers. But they also knew my Dad and stepmother! WOW! AND my cousin...
so it turned out to feel more like a family reunion! They knew all my family's gossip and inside information, so after I did my talk, we all went back to the offices and continued to "hang out" and chat and tell stories and laugh.

One of the things we had fun talking about was the weirdness at Caltech and JPL - meaning how weird some of the people are. The manager, who is the one who was my aunt's friend, who hadn't read the book yet, asked me, "Have you ever seen the tutu man?" "Oh yes!" I answered. "I even talked about him in the book - you mean the guy who dresses as a court jester or paige with the purple or striped tights (depending on the day), the curly toed shoes, the felt hat w/ the feather, and the bloomers?"
"Yes, that guy".
Oh my gosh. How could one NOT notice him?
"I used to see him walking across the lawn by Beckman auditorium every day,"

"Well," says the manager, "I've talked to him and have the scoop on why he dresses that way. Being an empirical scientist, he put together all the factors about our area, such as the weather, humidity..all the conditions, and determined that the most suitable, most practical mode of dress for our particular environment is the mideival jester's set of clothing, so that's all he wears, every day. And that's all he's worn for some 30 years now."

Oh man, that is so typical! Never mind how strange it is, never mind that men rarely wear tights anymore in public. No, if it's scientifically determined to be the best outfit for the environment, then there is no questioning it. Yes, some scientists can be a little rigid!

It's funny how, at so many of my events, I meet people who know about someone I've mentioned in the book. At the Latitude 33 bookstore in Laguna, a woman who drove all the way to Laguna Beach from LA (about 3 hours' drive in traffic) turned out to know the professor who had dedicated his entire life to the study of the ovary of the surf perch - Dr. McMiniman. The woman who came to my event was an Occidental College graduate from 1951 in Biology and Dr. McMiniman was studying the ovary of the surf perch even back then. As far as I know, he still is, even though he's been retired for 25 years. He must have started when he was an undergrad. Sheesh!

She said that at his retirement party he did a very long lecture on..you guessed it...the ovary of the surf perch and all of his research regarding it. It was NOT your normal retirement party! Reminds me of the guy who gave everyone his math disertation for Christmas, all wrapped up, 3 inches thick, single spaced. Right! I'm gonna READ that. A PhD dissertation in math is going to be over almost anyones' head...and I love math and minored in it. Anyway..

JPL was like coming home. I've been hanging out there since I was a toddler. I remember going into the keypunch operators' rooms where there were rows of ladies in dresses and high heels key punching cards that contained the programming that people had written. Then, the stacks of cards would literally wait their turn for the computer and would be fed through the computer and executed as a program. If there was any problem with it, if it wasn't perfect, you had to start all over again and repunch cards and wait for it to run again. Nothing like today where you can keep testing your program or an element of your program. i remember my dad coming home w/ our names keypunched into the little cards. Wish I had kept them!

Then, after spending the morning at JPL (JPL is TRIPPY. It's where all the space programs come from - Apollo, Viking, Voyager, Mars lander...just all of the planetary and moon exploration comes out of JPL, which is a Caltech laboratory), the manager took me over to Caltech to eat in the Atheneum. WOW! I've NEVER eaten in the atheneum! It's a very private and prestigious, members only, 5 star restaurant. People like Einstein ate there.

We had to eat outside because the inside was being used for the TV show "Big Love" to film. Perfect! That was the perfect rep resentation of how my life always was as a kid - with the showbiz and the science existing side by side. Sissy Spacek was standing there.

So after we ate, we went up to one of the suites. The Atheneum has private apartments for visiting scientists, and about 12 rooms for same. Well, Einstein used to spend his summers at Caltech, and he always stayed in one particular suite, which is a beautiful little apartment without a kitchen (he and his wife ate at the atheneum, apparently). From their window you can look out over the Caltech campus. How do I know what it's like inside? We went up and looked around inside because the woman who runs that hotel part of the atheneum gave us the key to go look around! WOW! I felt inspired. I'd like to spend one night there working on my next book. Maybe there is magic in that place. If felt magic to me, but then again, Caltech always does. It's such a disneyland for the mind that to me it's the ultimate.

i had more fun just hanging out there and reliving the days of Wesley and working there, and reliving my childhood days of coming to JPL, where my dad worked, and being so inspired watching guys in hasmat suits building the spacecraft that were going to go to the moon. There is a multistory clean room in which the spacecraft are built. There must be NO dust on any of the spacecraft and they were so delicate, really. Mind blowing.

By the time we had spent the day, I was hitting the wall. I'm still sick and can't push myself for very long before I have to STOP! Well, I stayed too long and now I was trapped because I was too tired to drive safely home. It would be about a tow hour drive home and there's no way I could have stayed awake. So I drove my car up to a friend's house and parked in front of her house and slept for 3 hours there without her knowing I was there, just so I'd feel a bit safer. Finally I was awake enough to drive home.

Did I mention that I'm back in contact w/ the parasite guy and the spider guy? They heard that they were in my book and looked themselves up and voila! There they were!

It's amazing that my book about Wesley took me back to the very place where I met Wesley, to the very environment that inspired me to become a scientist, which resulted in me ending up with Wesley. It was surreal. It's like Wesley is still helping me somehow.

By the way, I left Fiona home all that time. She does fine in the house when I'm gone a long time. She sleeps in my bed and has decided to pee just outside the bathroom door, on a pee pad for puppies. That's fine until I can get a doggie door, if I decide to get a doggie door. She must be inside because it's air conditioned. It was 105 outside on the day I went to JPL! And it snowed in the Colorado mountains the same day! ARG!

So, there you have it.

Fiona is doing well and is enjoying her obedience training (I do not use a choke collar, and it's an award and praise based way of training) She's a basically mellow dog anyway, so she just needs guidance and does not need a super firm hand at all.

But that's another subject for another time.

Have a great week!
Stacey

Author Event/Book Signing in Laguna, Aug 11

If you live in S. California, in the Orange County area, you might want to come to the event and book signing I'm doing at Latitude 33 Bookshop at 7:00 pm, Thursday, Aug 10. I'd love to meet you and sign your book!
Here's all the info:

LAGUNA BEACH
Thursday, September 10:

7:00PM Latitude 33 Bookshop—Author event and book signing
311 Ocean Avenue / Laguna Beach, California 92651


I sure hope to see you there!

-Stacey

Pictures of me and my new dog, Fiona

Video is on YouTube!!! YAY!

HI ALL! FINALLY the video is on youtube! It's not a documentary or that kind of thing, it's just a short video of me talking about Wesley with some footage of me and Wesley cuddling and just hanging out with each other.

Here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vufEqpZZql0

Now, be warned. When I got sick I gained weight and because of my illness I am still overweight, so I no longer look like that 95 pound kid you see in the book. But I'm alive and that's a wonderful thing.

To me, the most important thing about this video is that it shows Wesley cuddling with me. I'm not sure, but this MIGHT be the only such footage in the public realm of an owl cuddling! Why? There's a horrendous myth out there, believed by zookeepers, animal trainers, biologists, rehabbers - pretty much EVERYONE who works with owls, and it's that "Owls hate to be touched. They do not want affection! Do NOT be affectionate with an owl!"

I've seen "experts" tout this belief on TV as recently as a few weeks ago and it BREAKS MY HEART! The result of this belief is that people who work with owls are told this by people they respect, so they believe it, so they never offer ANY affection to a captive owl, who is then starved for affection. And they wonder why the owl is so feisty, upset, nervous, and won't calm down.

In the wild, owls spend hours and hours cuddling w/ their mate each day, as well as allopreening (preening each others' feathers, which is like getting a massage almost). When they have babies, the cuddling is even more intense. They NEED cuddling for psychological reasons but also physiologically, because it releases endorphins which prevent depression, and yes, owls get depressed.

So, because of this belief in their not wanting any affection, owls are in a sense being mistreated in captivity, albeit not deliberately, by people who would never knowingly mistreat an animal.

Owls are not humans, but imagine raising a human with no touch or affection at all. The human develops 'attachment disorder' which means they cannot bond normally to others and they can't stand to be held and touched, among other things. Some babies will die if never touched/cuddled. Well, owls are very similar to us in that regard.

So this video is SO IMPORTANT TO ME because it SHOWS that a barn owl loves affection, and both gives and receives it. It SHOWS that the owl craves the affection and can be very relaxed and intimate w/ the keeper. We're talking about owls who are unreleasable here. A releasable owl you would never want to interact with as a human because you are trying to get it ready to survive in the wild, so you don't want it imprinting on humans.

But there are a LOT of unreleasable owls in captivity whose lives would be radically improved if people understood that the owls WANT and CRAVE affection!

So please help me get the word out and get this video out so that we can smash that myth for once and for all!

Thank you all so much for your support, your kind words, and for your love for all creatures - even the wild souls among us!

-Stacey

PS: I'm looking into putting mp3s of Wesley's vocalizations up for people to hear...